Anxiety Got Hands, Sis.
Damn girl. I mean, damn Jo. Got damn it! Damn, Sis. Where we at? Can I get a pulse check? Are you okay? Sometimes huh? Most times right? Why haven’t you been saying anything?
There actually is so much to say, but hey what can I really say? I’m different now. I am more healed and a bit more vigilant. I am private and a bit more guarded.
I am doing the damn work.
My chest feels so tight and I don’t know if it’s excitement or imposter syndrome. I always worry about what could be, but lately I’ve been productively existing. I went through bouts of unhappiness and stretches of crazy euphoria. High highs and low lows are the epitome of life. I be talking to The Lady and I ain’t got no shame in it. It’s cool. It’s dope. She teaches me things and gives me tools and language that is helpful.
I am a flower that is growing. I feel like I am learning my friends and developing a permanent tribe since I’ve been home for two years now. I have learned that every person cannot be everything and reciprocity and hard conversations are a part of every genuine relationship. I learned to not only be a taker, but also a giver. I have learned to vibe and say no to some people with no remorse.
I have learned that I have ways about me, Sis.
I’m just back to say "Heyyyyyy, Sis!" It’s okay to be working on you in every season. Don’t be too hard on yourself though because life is going to keep on rolling.
I talk to God more than I have in a long time and it feels good. Church is my me time, so I don’t really be wanting company. I realized this was a decision that I had to make for myself in order to be at peace. The lessons I learn are affirming and help me to navigate life. I’m sorry I don’t have more for you, Sis. I haven’t fully processed what’s happening to me right now in order to put it in storytelling mode. I can say I saw Beyonce in concert and it was lit, Sis!
I also went to a book tour with my mentor, which led me to be city to city all October. This was an eye opening experience for me because when I was younger I used to say that I wanted to be the traveling career girl. Every time I do it I end up extremely exhausted. I needed a massage and lots sleep and still found a way to people please along the way.That shit has to stop, Sis!
Sharing is hard these days. It actually scares me more than it used to. Sometimes it makes feel like I should stop writing altogether. I can’t lie this stage of life feels different, Sis. Not bad. Not good. Just different. I wonder if this is what building feels like…
I think now is a great time for affirmations:
I am consistent.
I am confident.
I am capable.
I am wonderfully made.
I am beautiful.
I am healing.
I am thriving.
I am ME.